BeforeIMG_0953 I share my story, I would just like to share a little bit about myself. My name is Christine Mooney and I’m on a continual spiritual quest to get the most out of life that I can and help the most people that I can. Part of that quest involves reading as many spiritual and scientific books as I can. I’m currently reading a book called E-Squared by Pam Grout, and a particular chapter in that book reminded me of a very real experience I had many years ago. 

The fourth chapter in E-Squared is called “The Abracadabra Principle: Whatever You Focus on Expands”. Instead of trying to paraphrase what she said in that chapter and butchering it, I’m quoting the relevant part here:

The only reason we don’t change water into wine or heal cancer with one touch is because our thoughts are scattered all over the place. Instead of being one, constant, well-aimed tuning fork, our thoughts are more like a junior high band of beginning trumpet players. On one hand, we pray for things to work out, but on the other, we worry they won’t. At the same time we imagine a positive outcome, we secretly think optimism is a bunch of baloney. We want to be committed to a relationship with so-and-so, but what if he leaves? We want to make money, but didn’t the Bible say something about camels and rich people and the eye of a needle? The force is literally bouncing off walls. Go this way. No, wait; go that way. It’s knocking around like a lightning bug in a Mason jar. It’s being dissipated because we have no clear bead on what we really want. It’s not that the field of potentiality isn’t answering our prayers. It’s just that we’re “praying” for too many things.

Grout, Pam (2013-01-28). E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality (pp. 72-73). Hay House Insights. Kindle Edition. 

When I read this passage, I felt a certain amount of anxiety, which I realize isn’t helping anything! I feel like my thoughts are constantly bouncing around and not being aimed in any one direction. Part of that is that I suffer from intense obsessive compulsive disorder, about which I feel there are many misconceptions out there. Based on popular opinion, I feel like people hear the term OCD and they assume I’m a neat freak, or am constantly straightening picture frames! In reality, at least in my reality, I have a hard time controlling my thoughts. I am constantly counting things in my head, such as windows in houses I drive by, taillights on cars, steps going upstairs, swallows while I’m drinking, and on and on. 

Another big feature for me is that I have what I call a negative tape loop that plays every bad experience I’ve ever had in my life over and over and over again. It’s usually really hard for me to fall asleep because I can’t turn my thoughts off. I’m already on some medication that helps my depression and alleviates my OCD a little bit, but it’s still something I struggle with every day. 

This passage in Pam’s book scared me because I felt like I would have a really hard time focusing positive thoughts constantly. Her description about “knocking around like a lightning bug in a Mason jar” sums up my brain activity perfectly! Then I remembered an experience I had a long time ago. 

I was friends with a girl who was very into horses, and I had taken lessons on and off and loved horses as well. She was working at a large horse stable at the time I knew her and would get to ride for free in exchange for cleaning out the barn. I went with her one day and after spending hours cleaning the barn, we were allowed to ride some horses. The horse I rode was named L.A. Aftershock, and she was worth $200,000. She was a VERY well trained horse! When I got on her back for the first time, she started wandering around all over the place. Of course I wondered what was wrong with that horse! Then I realized that she was so well trained, and I was so inexperienced, that she was responding to every little cue my body was giving her. Once I settled my body down, our riding went much more smoothly. When I was on her back,  she made me a better rider. I was forced to control my physical body because if it gave any unintentional cue to do something, she would do it!

My point is that our thoughts are the same way. Everything in our environment is a direct result and reflection of our thoughts. We need to train our minds to stay calm and focused so we can “steer” our lives to where we want them to go. If your thoughts are bouncing around all over the place, your life will reflect that. Just remembering my experience with that horse has started to help me calm my brain down and focus on one positive thing at a time. For years I’ve prayed and meditated, which of course helps, but something about the combination of Pam’s book and my horse experience have really made it all come together for me. Thank you for letting me share my experience here, and I hope it can help someone else.

– Christine Mooney

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